I don't eh...

A homeless woman who sneaked into a man's house and lived undetected in his closet for a year was arrested in Japan after he became suspicious when food mysteriously began disappearing.

Police found the 58-year-old woman Thursday hiding in the top compartment of the man's closet and arrested her for trespassing, police spokesman Hiroki Itakura from southern Kasuya town said Friday.

The resident of the home installed security cameras that transmitted images to his mobile phone after becoming puzzled by food disappearing from his kitchen over the past several months.

One of the cameras captured someone moving inside his home Thursday after he had left, and he called police believing it was a burglar. However, when they arrived they found the door locked and all windows closed.

"We searched the house ... checking everywhere someone could possibly hide," Itakura said. "When we slid open the shelf closet, there she was, nervously curled up on her side."

The woman told police she had no place to live and first sneaked into the man's house about a year ago when he left it unlocked.

She had moved a mattress into the small closet space and even took showers, Itakura said, calling the woman "neat and clean."

How creepy would it be to know for a year someone was in your house with you and you never knew? I admire this person.

Why I Like the Sixties

Because it's like another universe, with different rules that everyone knows but you, and you're this lost traveler seeing things that are kinda familiar...but are actually so far from reality it's pointless to try and understand.

Plus the music is pretty great. I just rocked this, yogurt in hand. It was pretty intense.

(Btw the studio version has great double vocals, two guys singing different things at once. It's like one great big musical orgy.)

Weird Dreams

I had a dream the other night that myself and Joel were on a space station. (we were scientists) and we were growing plants in space to see what effect would happen to those plants. And the entrance to the sleeping quarters looked like the deck of a pirate ship!! it was such an awesome dream!!!

I'm Bored

Somebody entertain me. Make me laugh, make me cry, make me forget that I have absolutely no idea what's supposed to happen next in my novel. I need a distraction.

Jaws Theme Song

their are others that this guy does like Indiana Jones, Back to the future, james bond but I thought this one was funniest out of all of them.

Music Survey

How many songs are in your music player at the moment? 864
Do you download music? Yes
Is it legal? Sometimes
How many actual cds do you own? a good amount mostly burned cds though.
What was the last cd you bought? so long ago i seriously cannot remember the last I burned was prob a cd with disney songs on it.

songs:
1: GOOD MORNING- DEBBIE REYONALD'S AND GENE KELLY (SINGING IN THE RAIN)
2: IT'S SO HARD TO SAY GOODBYE TO YESTERDAY- BOYS II MEN
3:BROKEN MAN- BOYS LIKE GIRLS
4:DONT STOP ME NOW-QUEEN
5:GOTTA GET AWAY- THE OFFSPRING
6: ALL SHOOK UP- ELVIS PRESLEY
7:BITTER SWEET SYMPHANY- THE VERVE
8:NOBODY'S FAULT-PHANTOM PLANET
9:BLACK BIRD--ACROSS THE UNIVERSE SOUNDTRACK
10:TWENTY ONE- THE CRANBERRIES
11:MINUTE WALTZ-CHOPIN
12:PICE OF MY HEART- JANIS JOPLIN
13:SUPERSONIC ROCKET SHIP- THE KINKS
14:NOW I'M HERE- QUEEN
15:SPEAKERS BLOWN-HIT THE LIGHTS
16:VIEDO KILLED THE RAIDO STAR-BUGGLES
17:SEVENTEEN- SEX PISTOLS
18:REGRET-GACKT
19:HELLA GOOD-NO DOUBT
20:YOU'R CRASHING BUT YOUR NO WAVE- FALL OUT BOY
21:I WANNA BE LIKE YOU (THE MONKEY SONG)-LOUIS PRIMA
22:LITTLE SISTER- JEWEL
23:OLYMPICS-JERRY SEINFELD
24:DAZED AND CONFUSED- LED ZEPPELIN
25:YEAT'S GRAVE-THE CRANBERRIES
26:RUNNING- NO DOUBT
27:WE DONT NEED NO EDUCATION-PINK FLOYD
28:TOO YOUNG- NAT KING COLE
29:TWO LITTLE GIRLS FROM LITTLE ROCK-MARILYN MONROE,JANE RUSSLE
30:GREESE- FRANKIE VALLI

QUESTIONS:
1. Which song do you prefer, ...1 OR..30? 1 ( i have to be in the mood for 30)

2. Have you ever listened to ..12? im gonna say yes on that one since I payed for it to listen to it.

3. What album is ..26 from? best of: no doubt

4. What do you think about the artist who did ..15? their preppy punk whats more to say than that.
5. Is ..19 one of your favorite songs? its ok
6. Who does ..28 remind you of? It dosent remind me of something yet but i know what it will remind me of.
7. Does ..20 have better lyrics or music? *sigh* no comment
8. Do any of your friends like ..3? I hope not.
9. Is ..23 from a movie soundtrack? No
10. Is ..18 overplayed on the radio? maybe in Japan.
11. What does ..21 remind you of? my sister.
12. Which do you prefer, ..5 or ..22? 5
13. What album is ..17 from? nevermind the bullocks
14. When did you first hear ..19? long time ago.
16. What genre is ..8? indy punk maybe?
18. What color does ..4 remind you of? burgundy
19. Have you ever blasted ..11 on your stereo? can you blast classical?
20. What genre is ..7? I dont know
21. Can you play ..13 on any instrument? if you have a synth
22. What is your favorite lyric from ..30? we got to be what we feel grease is the word-grease is the way we are feeling-conventionality belongs to yesterday
23. What is your favorite lyric from ..23?all of it.
24. Would you recommend ..24 to your friends? never have to.

25. Is ..2 a good song to dance to?maybe at a prom.
26. Do you ever hear ..16 on the radio? yes
27. Is ..22 more of a nighttime or daytime song? both?
28. Does ..16 have any special meaning to you? yes
29. Do any of your friends like ..1? maybe
30. Is ..25 a fast or slow song? slow
31. Is ..5 a happy or sad song? none of the above
32. What is one of your favorite lyrics from ..9? black bird singing in the dead of night take these sunken eyes and learn to see all your life you were only waiting for this moment to be free/ black bird fly, black bird fly into the light of the dark black night.
33. Is ..14 better to listen to alone or with friends? don't matter
34. When did you first hear ..27? i was like 10 my dads a big floyd fan.
35. Name 3 other songs by the artist who did ..29? I;m through with love, diamonds are a girls best friend,heat wave
36. Do you know all the words to ..6? mostly
37. Does ..28 have better lyrics or music? both I love this song.
38. What album is ..10 from? no need to argue.

Toast

The toast-scraping solo is particularly awesome.

(Via Dr. Frank)

Here's Mine!

1. Happiness is a Warm Gun – The Beatles
2. The Apocalypse Inside an Orange – Omar Rodriguez-Lopez
3. One Armed Scissor – At the Drive-In
4. Dead or Alive – Johnny Thunders
5. Cassandra Geminni A: Tarantsim – The Mars Volta
6. Immigrant Song – Led Zeppelin
7. Across the Universe – The Beatles
8. The Game of Love – Michelle Branch
9. Metastasis – Iannus Xenakis
10. Gust of Mutts – The Mars Volta
11. Things Behind the Sun – Nick Drake
12. Desert Symphony – Steve Reich
13. Third Movement Part 1 (slow) – Steve Reich
14. Myrrhman - Talk Talk
15. Birthday – Bjork
16. Man In Black – Johnny Cash
17. The Man Who Sold the World – David Bowie
18. Haruspex – The Mars Volta
19. La Cartera – Larry Harlow
20. Modest Mouse – Paper Thin Walls
21. Helter Skelter – Siouxsie and the Banshees
22. Thick as a Brick (Part 1) – Jethro Tull
23. 2112 – Rush
24. Take On Me – Aha
25. Mother Superior – Coheed and Cambria
26. Pieces of You – Jewel
27. Concertina – The Mars Volta
28. Superstar – Carpenters
29. You’re Gonna Lose that Girl – The Beatles
30. Fifth Movement (fast) – Steve Reich

QUESTIONS:
1. Which song do you prefer, ..1 or ..30? 30
2. Have you ever listened to ..12? Oh yes. About 500 times.
3. What album is ..26 from? Idk, I think it’s live…
4. What do you think about the artist who did ..15? She the man.
5. Is ..19 one of your favorite songs? My favorite salsa song…
6. Who does ..28 remind you of? Tommy Boy
7. Does ..20 have better lyrics or music? Lyrics
8. Do any of your friends like ..3? Most at least don’t mind it.
9. Is ..23 from a movie soundtrack? No
10. Is ..18 overplayed on the radio? I guarantee never, maybe some random college staton.
11. What does ..21 remind you of? Ba-la-la-la-la-lah
12. Which do you prefer, ..5 or ..22? 5
13. What album is ..17 from? The Man Who Sold the World
14. When did you first hear ..19? 3 in the morning a while back, live version, blew my mind.
15. What genre is ..8? Pop-yummy
16. What color does ..4 remind you of? Black, red, white
17. Have you ever blasted ..11 on your stereo? It’s not a song to blast per se.
18. What genre is ..7? The Beatles, yes they’re a “genre”
19. Can you play ..13 on any instrument? No, I’m not a classical musician!
20. What is your favorite lyric from ..30? Wow, this discriminates against non-lyrical songs.
21. What is your favorite lyric from ..23? We are the preists of the temple of the Syrinx
22. Would you recommend ..24 to your friends? Why not? They all know it though…
23. Is ..2 a good song to dance to? Maybe interpretive…
24. Do you ever hear ..16 on the radio? No, but I’m sure it’s there, I don’t listen to much radio.
25. Is ..22 more of a nighttime or daytime song? Night-time
26. Does ..16 have any special meaning to you? Not particularly…
27. Do any of your friends like ..1? Oh yeah
28. Is ..25 a fast or slow song? Slow to Mid tempo
29. Is ..5 a happy or sad song? Progressively sad
30. What is one of your favorite lyrics from ..9? It doesn’t have lyrics!!! STOP Discriminating!
31. Is ..14 better to listen to alone or with friends? Alone.
32. When did you first hear ..27? Right after I got the Tremulent EP…good times.
33. Name 3 other songs by the artist who did ..29? Twist and Shout, Across the Universe, Dear Prudence
34. Do you know all the words to ..6? Probably like 90%, I improv what I don’t know
35. Does ..28 have better lyrics or music? Lyrics…
36. What album is ..10 from? It’s live from the Scabdates CD…

Music Survey

While you guys were eating at fancy plantation restaurants I ate KFC, got verbally assaulted by Alex for "losing" the expansion pack to his N64, and did this music survey thing. Yes I know questions 15 and 17 don't exist, but whatever. You better do this, I wanna see what's all you guys listen to.

Put your iTunes/Winamp/Windows Media Player/whatever on Shuffle and list the next thirty songs that come up. No cheating to make yourself look cool! But First!

A few Random questions:

How many songs are in your music player at the moment? 5659

Do you download music? Yes

Is it legal? Not entirely

How many actual cds do you own? Hundreds. And that=s not counting the hundreds of records that happen to not be cds.

What was the last cd you bought? In Rainbows--Radiohead

Now On to the Songs!

1. I Think I Need a New Heart--Magnetic Fields
2. Oh! You Pretty Things--David Bowie
3. Jumping Someone Else’s Train--The Cure
4. Song for Our Ancestors--Steve Miller Band
5. Like a Hurricane--Neil Young
6. Lazy Line Painter Jane--Belle & Sebastian
7. Mardy Bum--Arctic Monkeys
8. Redford (For Yai-Yai and Pappou)--Sufjan Stevens
9. Like a Tear--The World of Oz
10. All Over Again--Phantom Planet
11. Wayne’s Intro--The Flaming Lips
12. Who Are You?--The Who
13. Oh Bring Back the Egg Unbroken--Rasputina
14. B-13--Jump Little Children
15. Why Bother?--Weezer
16. Evil Ways--Buddy Miles and Carlos Santana live
17. Milk Cow Blues--The Kinks
18. It’s My Life--The Animals
19. Jasper C Debussy--Marc Bolan & T. Rex
20. Deep Inside of You--Third Eye Blind
21. Farewell and Goodnight--Smashing Pumpkins
22. Love Her Madly--The Doors
23. Stop Crying Your Heart Out--Oasis
24. Mean Woman Blues--The Soul Agents
25. The Beat Goes On--Buddy Rich
26. My Ding A Ling--Chuck Berry
27. If I Needed Someone--Eric Clapton
28. My Love--Paul McCartney and Wings
29. Bear Melt--Jefferson Airplane
30. The Authority Song--Jimmy Eat World

QUESTIONS:

1. Which song do you prefer, ..1 or ..30? 30

2. Have you ever listened to ..12? If by ever you mean many many times, then yes.

3. What album is ..26 from? Universal Masters Collection [UK]

4. What do you think about the artist who did ..15? They kinda formed the bulk of my childhood

5. Is ..19 one of your favorite songs? Not really but it’s pretty cool.

6. Who does ..28 remind you of? Carlsbad Caverns, New Mexico

7. Does ..20 have better lyrics or music? music

8. Do any of your friends like ..3? If they like The Cure…which they had better.

9. Is ..23 from a movie soundtrack? No

10. Is ..18 overplayed on the radio? No, but they do play it sometimes.

11. What does ..21 remind you of? Driving to the convention in Texas.

12. Which do you prefer, ..5 or ..22? 5

13. What album is ..17 from? Doin’ the Mod Vol. 3: Maximum R&B

14. When did you first hear ..19? A couple months ago when I first heard the album.

16. What genre is ..8? uh…indie/singer-songwriter?

18. What color does ..4 remind you of? Dark blue+gold all swirled together

19. Have you ever blasted ..11 on your stereo? Not really, it’s mostly spoken word with a little backing music.

20. What genre is ..7? Brit pop

21. Can you play ..13 on any instrument? No

22. What is your favorite lyric from ..30? Honesty or mystery, tell my I’m not scared anymore. I got no secret purpose, I don’t seem obvious do I?

23. What is your favorite lyric from ..23? None of them, they are all kinda lame.

24. Would you recommend ..24 to your friends? They wouldn=t be my friends if I didn=t recommend them weird songs.

25. Is ..2 a good song to dance to? Not especially. I’d like to see someone try though.

26. Do you ever hear ..16 on the radio? Not the live version, but the regular Santana one, yes

27. Is ..22 more of a nighttime or daytime song? Daytime

28. Does ..16 have any special meaning to you? no

29. Do any of your friends like ..1? Alex? Does he count?

30. Is ..25 a fast or slow song? Mid-tempo

31. Is ..5 a happy or sad song? Bittersweet

32. What is one of your favorite lyrics from ..9? I don’t have a clue. That’s one of those weird psychedelic songs that just kinda wash over you. Lyrics are secondary

33. Is ..14 better to listen to alone or with friends? Alone

34. When did you first hear ..27? On the radio I think, when I was probably sixteen and obsessed with the Beatles.

35. Name 3 other songs by the artist who did ..29? The Ballad of You & Me & Pooneil, Crown of Creation, Lather

36. Do you know all the words to ..6 Most of them. It’s kinda my theme song, minus all the prostitution stuff

37. Does ..28 have better lyrics or music? They are both awesome!

38. What album is ..10 from? The Guest

MAY 22!!!

We need to hurry up and find a place and let every one know when to meet. I say an hour early should do it. We can get our seats and not worry about being scattered all over the place, and I'm prob the only one who care about that cept for those of you with "boyfriend's" *cough Jordan cough* and "girlfriends" *cough Odd Cake cough*
but I like to go to the movies with people I have a high tolerance for.

Happy?

Freaks

On my bed talking to some guy on the phone.

If it'll please the court exhibit A

proof that Odd Cake is human!

THE DREAM CHRONICLES, Vol. 1--Typical Chase Scenes, and a Relatively Recent Development

I have a long history of dreams. While this in and of itself is nothing unique (I'm sure you have plenty of dreams yourself), I like to think my habit of recording and cataloging said dreams sets me apart--at least a little--from the billions of other dreamers out there. I don't know. Maybe it just makes me weird.

But anyway, ever since I starting keeping track of these things, sometime in middle school I believe, I've noticed several interesting trends. One is that the more I work at it, the more I can control what happens in my dreams. I can't necessarily dictate what I dream about, but I can at least control my own actions. That's pretty cool, but sadly, I haven't been able to do that for a while. My insomnia hasn't been as bad the past few months, so I've been sleeping more deeply and remembering less and less of my dreams.

Last night, however, was a different story. While I wasn't exactly able to enter lucid dreaming and do all the fun things you can do when you know you're asleep, another common trend reared it's ugly head: chase dreams. Particularly, Evil People Like Nazis Out To Get Me and Nobody is Willing To Help.

This time I was living in some kind of apartment complex, and over the course of the dream, I became aware of the fact that my roommate was a psycho. She was cutting up people and storing their body parts in her closet. Sensing that I am her next victim, I quickly try to call the police.

But something stops me: my fingers can't dial the number. Every time they go in to hit those lifesaving buttons, 9-1-1, they miss, or slip off, or the button I thought was a nine was actually a seven. This particular dream element has happened to me so many times lately it's ridiculous. I think this phone actually had two number nines, except only one of them worked. Needless to say, it was quite frustrating.

Especially since my roommate appeared about halfway through with a very large knife and started swinging.

So I run, from apartment to apartment, through the night and in the dark, looking for someone with an operable telephone. Somewhere in there, I find Odd Cake, and together we flee this raging maniac and her minions, who seem to be everywhere.

Case in point, this guy, from Lost. He's teaching some kind of seminar in one of the apartments Odd Cake and I seek refuge in. Yes, he's got a phone, and sure, he'd dial 911 for me (thought I'd play it safe in case this one has wonky buttons too). Trouble is, he's also got a gun, and he wants to make an example of us.

I don't know why he kills us, but in the end I realize what's going on and try to warn Odd Cake. To no avail. He's shot, then me, and suddenly we're lying in a puddle of blood. It was so fast, so painless, but obviously we're dying and there's nothing we can do. So I reach out for Odd Cake's hand, and hold it, hoping that when they find our bodies they will know that, in this world of senseless killings and death, two people cared for each other until the end.

You Did It Old Chum!

Did it work did it work did it work?

best grad cake EVER!!

Dwarves, Aliens, A Little Hitler, and Evidence that Wales is the Coolest Country Ever

All right, lots of links tonight people, so bear with me.

• First off we got the seminal Dwarves story. No, not Snow White, this here is a bit more sinister. My favorite part is the quote from the Stockholm Police Spokesman: "We are looking at our records to identify criminals of limited stature." Ha! Limited stature! I don't know about Sweden, but when I took a long distance coach from Glasgow to Manchester, there was no record of my "stature" kept. Or, so I'd like to think...
• Second, the Vatican says it's okay to believe in Aliens. Well that's good, I was feeling a little worried there for a while.
• Now the little Hitler, as promised.
• And last but not least, evidence that Wales is the Coolest Country on the planet. I had heard several years ago that Britain had made Jedi an official religion, but I gathered that it was mostly a joke...seems they have services and everything now. And if anyone can find that video, they will be richly rewarded.

And here's the promised link to photos....I feel bad though that there's not more of Becky, even though it is her party. This is before I really got to know you.... :(

....And one more for the road!

couldn't fit in this last one but I think we all look so nice!!!

HEAR YE! HEAR YE! The Renaissance Festival

Ahhh the good old days....

Best Band Ever

These guys are hilarious, this is actually our dear friends first band... I would feel bad revealing his name, so I'll give initials... KHP...

Oh yeah its a mad lengthy video too.

A Request

As soon as Renaissance Festival pictures make themselves available, might we perhaps take a gander at them?

Sugar Puffs Advert

Becky Yanking Wenis

Just In Time!

It needed to be done.

Happy Octomonthsary, my sweet little Odd Cake.

(Sorry Becky)

How to Make Your Own Han Solo in Carbonite Chocolate Bar

http://www.instructables.com/id/Han-Solo-in-carbonite-chocolate-bar!/

Somebody make me one of these right now. I promise to love you forever...

The Intrigue Continues

This interview with leading Reptoid Zealot/Illuminati Exposer David Icke (while I have not, admittedly, actually read it in its entirety) warns its readers to take care, because:

while much of his information is HIGHLY valuable, his book “The Biggest Secret” is a little too overwhelming for some people, not necessarily because the information is too hot to handle, but because at the same time that he gives people information which can cause fear, he takes away the very thing which gives many people freedom from fear, and that is their faith in and connection to God and/or Jesus.

However, she goes on to say that "most of his information is excellent...as long as this point is kept in mind."

More "Detailed" Lizard-Alien/ Human Hybrid Account

Sorry Jordan, I was gonna post a comment, but the blog felt it deserved a new post in itself. 

Reptilian humanoids
In 1999, Icke wrote and published The Biggest Secret: The Book that Will Change the World, in which he identified the extraterrestrial Prison Warders as reptilians from the constellation Draco.[24]They walk erect and appear to be human, living not only on the planets they come from, but also in caverns and tunnels under the earth. They have cross-bred with humans, which has created "hybrids" who are "possessed" by the full-blooded reptilians.[25] The reptiles' hybrid reptilian-human DNA allows them to change from reptilian to human form if they consume human blood. Icke has drawn parallels with the 1980s science-fiction series V, in which the earth is taken over by reptiloid aliens disguised as humans.
According to Icke, the reptilian group includes many prominent people and practically every world leader from Britain's late Queen Mother to George H.W. Bush, Hillary Clinton, Harold Wilson, and Tony Blair. These people are either themselves reptilian, or work for the reptiles as what Icke calls slave-like victims of multiple personality disorder: "The Rothschilds, Rockefellers, the British royal family, and the ruling political and economic families of the U.S. and the rest of the world come from these SAME bloodlines. It is not because of snobbery, it is to hold as best they can a genetic structure — the reptilian-mammalian DNA combination which allows them to 'shape-shift'."[4]
In Tales From The Time Loop and other works, Icke states that most organized religions, especially Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, are Illuminati creations designed to divide and conquer the human race through endless conflicts. In a similar vein, Icke believes racial and ethnic divisions are an illusion promoted by the reptilians, and that racism fuels the Illuminati agenda.

Straight from Wikipedia

Nothing about the mythical creatures, unfortunately, I'm going to do some scoping on the Discovery website to see if I can find anything...

This Amusing Hedgehog Watches How His Friends Rape the Playground

My new favorite site is englishrussia.com, which describes itself thusly:

English Russia is a daily entertaiment blog devoted to the events happening in Russian speaking countries, such as Russia (Russian Federation), Ukraine, Belarus, Moldova, Kazakhstan, etc. Everyday something interesting happens in the countries occupying 1/6 of the populated world. We are here to inform you about it.

It's a bizarre mixture of strange photos and badly translated stories, which makes me wonder if the name of their site is just an extremely optimistic ambition.

Check out some of these playground installations, they are truly disturbing:

I guess it's up to me to SAVE THE BLOG!

So I was watching the Discovery Channel, and apparently the Illuminati is run by a bunch of lizard alien-human hybrids... These hybrids are the rulers and founding families of the world. Examples are The Queen of England, Tony Blair, The Rockefellers... This group also creates its own propaganda to distract from the truth, this propaganda comes in the form of mythical creatures, these creatures are under direct control of the Illuminati. 

Brilliant. 

Told You

Told you it would last a week, tops.

Please Mr. Post Man...

I think it might be fun to talk about our quirks so Jordan isn't alone in this...

weird things I do lets see...

1: When making hot chocolate I put the power in first then milk then microwave.- Now I know I'm not alone in this method BUT, when I mix it before it goes into the microwave I lick the spoon with the semi wet powder on it, and I like the big wet chunks that you have to chew.

(Wow putting that in text makes me feel like I'm that kid from elementary school that used to mayo on everything.)

2: I can always tell when a T.V is on mute or stand by, but not by looking at it i can hear a high pitched humming only meant to disturb dogs.

3: I've always wanted to feed a chicken nugget to a chicken.

4: I'm so sick right now my ears hurt.

5: I can get sick from riding in a car or for staying in doors for too long, but I have never gotten sick on a roller coaster.

6: I love the feeling of cleaning my right ear with a q tip but not my left.

7: I have a secret ambition to become a fisherman and live on a boat, though I don't really care for fish.

8: I've burnt my eyes while trying to retrieve a pizza from the oven.

9: I've always thought my feet were perfect until I broke my right pinky toe.

10: I had a crush on Arnold Schwarzenegger between the ages of 7-10

11: I often think that if I were an animal I would want to be a bird or a fox.

Post Over Toast

Well, cereal bar actually, but you get the picture. (But if you don't here's another fun detail: it just went inexplicably skipping out of my lap and into my purse. I cannot command even the more innocuous forms of breakfast food.)

So now we get to the actual matter of the post, and I find I have no idea what to write about. Now that I have two blogs, one for me that does not come up on search engines and is basically a place to post random crap I find interesting (Getting Ready to Go "Bowling") and one with these bozos, I find my standard "blog topics" stretched pretty thin.

For example, on a normal day over on my other blog (which, granted, I've had for a month but that's beside the point), I would most likely post something like this:



May 01

The Pear of Anguish. As if the actual implement wasn't freaky enough, the google ad that popped up for me reads, "Get to Know Your Vagina!"

(Click on pic for story.)




And that would be that. Simple, effective, completely without obligation. I know nobody is going to read this, and, if in the very-slim-but-certainly-possible-chance somebody types http://jordymike.tumblr.com/ into their address bar, or Tumblr decided to feature me on their front page, I have something interesting presented, along with a clever comment. I look like I have unique interests and a keen sense of sardonic humor. I present myself as someone you'd seek out at parties, practically brimming with witticisms and social commentary. And, really, isn't that what blogging's all about?

This blog, however, is another matter.

I got an audience now, an audience I know. Who knows I'm very boring at parties, who knows that, while I might have unique interests (perhaps a little too unique sometimes...) I'm not as cool and collected as any blog, in any form--by its nature--would present me. Blogs have the tendency to make you look more awesome than you are in real life, and this is something I have decided to put a stop to.

So here, my beloved bloggers, is a list of Real Life Facts, Completely Unedited, so that I may counteract the effects of blogging and present an unbiased, more balanced view of my very very cool-seeming persona:

1. The last 21 bookmarks I made link me to various portions of this site. (Except for the random pic of an Italian beach thrown in there, for some reason.) It's true, I'm obsessed. That's a very human trait.
2. I have not brushed my teeth today. They hurt a bit.
3. A song I don't particularly like (a political folkster with a thick English accent) has popped up on the iPod, and I am too lazy to change it.
4. I have reoccurring dreams of teeth falling out, actually. They are very disturbing.
   
5. Sometimes when I run out of clean underwear I just don't wear any, instead of doing laundry like normal people would.
6. I make it a habit to avoid the thesaurus, unless there's a word I already know on the tip of my tongue and I need some nudging in that direction.
7. I once wrote a story about an evil dictator who only cared about being able to floss his teeth in peace.
8. Led Zeppelin=sex, in my mind.
   
9. My dad can't leave the house without flossing his teeth.
10. I need to call Becky.
11. But first I'm gonna go brush my teeth.

So there you have it. Eleven facts that should prove to you I'm not cool, collected, witty, or particularly clever. I'm every bit as mundane as every other human on this planet.

I know, it's hard to remember that, but do make an effort, kay?